In my experience, many people think of creating a balanced life only in theoretical terms: "It's a great theory, but id doesn't solve any of my practical problems." That's often followed by, "I ought to do something about that when I'm not so busy." Of course, those "I'll have to do something about that when . . . " statements are all really just blowing smoke. You know that you can make time for anything that's really important to you. 'Balance' just isn't one of those things, now, is it? Most people can't make the connection between living an imbalanced life and those sad, quiet moments when it strikes them that they're running around in mad circles, going nowhere, and feeling very lost and empty. Do those moments ever creep into your consciousness, when you stop long enough to allow yourself to feel?
From time to time, regardless of how busy you are, everybody at least briefly surfaces for some emotional air. At those rare and often uncomfortable moments, you're given a glimpse of what your life could have (or should have) been. I can't remind people often enough that pain is nothing but life trying to get your attention. Emotional pain is no different. There's a message behind it. In this case the message is: "Hey you! You're not getting what you need!" Now, why do you think that is? What's going on that would make you feel that way? And, more importantly, what can you do not only to silence that painful message, but to correct the issues that are causing your emotional 'smoke alarms' to go off on a more-or-less regular basis?
First, let's start with a little philosophical background here, shall we? Immanuel Kant, the 18th Century German philosopher who, in his book, The Critique of Practical Reason postulated that duty was the highest moral value. Whether any of us have heard of Kant or any of his works, you should, at least, be able to relate to his premise. Consider: how much of what you do is driven by duty? How ofen during any given day do you think or say the words 'I should', 'I ought to', 'I need to', or 'I have to'? These are all 'duty' words, expressing your inner sense of obligation. Additionally, for us human beings, external duty almost always takes precedence over internal duty. In other words, living up to other people's expectations almost always carries more weight than taking care of yourself. "I have so many things that I've got to do," you can hear yourself saying, "that I haven't got time for myself." When, my friend, will it ever be your time?
I've spoken (and written about) the Frazzled Entrepreneur — they guys and gals who are beside themselves: overworked, overstressed, burned out. Taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself represents the fundamental source of befrazzlement. For these folks (among whom all too often we're liable to have to count ourselves), the scales are decidedly tipped toward the outside. When you consider what it would take to put the scales back into balance (by making sure that you gave adequate 'weight' to your own needs), you'll begin to understand both the warning signs that you're picking up from your pesky emotions, and how establishing a healthy balance in your life provides the critical element that will, ultimately, determine whether or not you're living a happy, healthy, meaningful life.
When you look at your decisions in this light, you can begin to see that living in balance isn't just optional or, even worse, just a 'nice idea' that you haven't got time for. If someone were to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime, all-expense-paid month-long vacation to the one place you've always wanted to visit, would you say, "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm too busy to take you up on your offer"? Or, wouldn't you move heaven and earth to find a way to manipulate your environment so that you could take advantage of the trip? Your life offers you happiness and fulfillment (regardless of your situation), all that it asks in return is for you to value yourself enough to accept it: to do what's necessary to balance the demands on your time with your own personal needs. That's what living a balanced life is all about; and, in fact, that's the one project you have going on in your life that offers the biggest payout. What have you got to lose?
H. Les Brown, MA, FCC
Copyright © 2008 H. Les Brown
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mindfulness, balance, duty, obligation, external, internal, self
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